


Never Again

by waterbird13



Series: Tumblr Fics [290]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: (hadn't happened yet when I wrote this), Dean wants to get back together, Gen, M/M, Sam's scared of his brother, but s11 is vague and not really here, dean negative, past wincest, post s10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-30
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-28 00:04:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8422987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterbird13/pseuds/waterbird13
Summary: Dean's better now. No Mark, nothing, and he's ready to try again.Sam doesn't seem to have gotten the message.





	

It takes three weeks for Dean to work up the nerve to try to touch Sam again. It takes Sam ten seconds to clear out of the room like a wendigo is snapping at his heels. Dean shrugs. He supposes they’re busy with the case, with the darkness, with the potential end of the world. Maybe Sam’s just trying to keep him on task.

But then suddenly Sam won’t spend any time with him that they’re not strictly dedicated to work. He won’t eat with Dean, or watch a movie with him. For the first time ever, they’re taking two cars. They’re getting two motel rooms.

Sam’s avoiding him, plain and simple. Dean can’t figure out why. He doesn’t have the Mark anymore, he’s not dangerous. If Sam didn’t leave him alone all that time, then he should definitely be here _now_.

Dean’s not proud of it, but he tampers with Sam’s car. Nothing he couldn’t fix in ten minutes, but enough to frazzle Sam. They have a whole host of other cars, most of them not road-worthy, and none of them the one Sam chose. Dean shrugs. “Guess you’ll have to ride with me,” he says.

Sam sighs but nods, resigned, looking longingly at his piece of shit car before climbing into the passenger’s seat. He hunches in on himself, huddles close to the door, and seems to be studiously avoiding looking at Dean, except for, every minute or so, out of the corner of his eye.

Dean rolls his eyes. Sam acts like Dean is going to shout at him or something. “Wanted to talk to you anyways,” he announces ten miles down the road, when it’s too late for Sam to try to leave.

“About what?” Sam asks, voice strained.

“About us,” Dean says. “Sammy, are we ever…” he trails off, but he moves the hand not on the wheel towards Sam, making his point clear.

Sam flinches. “No,” he says, voice as strong as Dean’s heard it in months.

Dean flinches at that. “Sam,” he says, a pleading tone creeping in that he can’t squash. Maybe he doesn’t want to squash it, if it gets Sam to see reason. “I’m good now. No Mark. Just me. We’re good. Everything is good.”

“We are _not_  good,” Sam says firmly. “We’re barely…you have no idea, what it’s like, to have to be around you all the time, do you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean snaps. “If you don’t wanna be here…”

“Where would I go?” Sam asks. “Anyway, I do. You’re my brother, Dean. We’re partners. But I…can’t you see how hard it is? You hurt me, scared the shit out of me, just…beat me down. Offered to kill me, Dean. Before the Mark, and with the Mark. Can’t you see how I’m having a hard time just getting over it like you want?”

“Sam, we don’t say it much, but we love each other…” Dean begins.

“I don’t,” Sam says quickly, not looking at Dean. “I don’t love you anymore.”

“You don’t mean that,” Dean says quietly, stung.

Sam pauses for a few seconds. “No,” he agrees. “I do. I can’t help it. But god, I wish I didn’t. I don’t trust you. You scare me still, Dean. And I am putting everything– _everything_ –I have into getting to a point where we can be brothers again. It’s hard. Damn near impossible, but I’m trying. Don’t expect more from me. That’s just cruel.”

“So…you won’t…” Dean trails off. His heart aches. He knew Sam was hurt, knew he and Sam were on a break, but he never would have thought they were _over_ , just forever, done. There always had been something there. Sam always came back, no matter what.

“No,” Sam says. “I won’t. I…wanna be brothers again Dean. It’ll take me a while. Maybe a long time. But I can’t ever be that again. It’s not happening.”

Sam turns back to the window, conversation clearly over. He doesn’t say it, but Dean hears it nonetheless. _You wrecked it, Dean. You ruined it, and you lost your chance_.

For a moment, he entertains the idea that this is just some extended tantrum, that Sam will come back, that he just needs to cool off. But something about it…Sam’s never looked so serious, so deadset, except when talking about decisions he’s dug his heels in on. That is the face of a man who will not change his mind.

Dean swallows and tightens his hands on the wheel. He can’t understand what the problem is. Sure, he gets what Sam’s saying, but he’s better _now_. He doesn’t have the Mark. Things are fine.

Sam doesn’t seem up to explaining, just to staring out the window, apparently hoping for this car ride to be over as soon as possible. Dean glances at him every few seconds, but Sam never turns around to look back, and the loss of those beautiful eyes feels like it opened a hollow pit in Dean’s chest.


End file.
